When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.–Psalm 94:19, NLT
When we examine our grief, we think of losing something outside of ourselves. There is a loss, however, that most people don’t think of–the grieving of ourselves or who we used to be. It is a case of Grieving Who I Was–Grieving Who I Am.
Times I Willingly Said Good-bye to Who I Was
I liked ‘single me’ who had a great job and lived on the river. I was cute and I knew I was cute. I was also a Daddy’s girl.
Today, I’ve been married for over 20 years, am struggling at being self-employed in ministry, and live in a subdivided neighborhood. I might be somewhat pretty on days I work at it, but cute would not accurately describe my overweight 46 year old self. Daddy is still important to me, but my husband is now my #1 guy.
Times I Lost Myself
While the first set of losses came as a result of choices I have made, there are losses that have come upon me.
The demands of motherhood combined with a self-imposed need for perfectionism crushed me. Depression stole my identity, my joy, and my hope. I had the life I wanted but couldn’t handle the pressure that came with it.
Currently, I lose more of myself daily as chronic illness and pain steal my abilities.
The Deep Doubt
When you lose yourself, there is deep doubt that takes hold of your heart and mind. This doubt can become consuming.
In the midst of all of the times I’ve lost who I was, God has been there to comfort me. For the losses that led to depression, God along with medication has helped.
God’s comfort in our times of doubt (even when doubting who we are) brings special gifts of hope and cheer. Those gifts carry us through the hard times and remind us of not only who He is, but who we are in Him.
This post is part of a 31 day series on Hope for Grieving Hearts. To see all of the posts in this series, click the button below. Thank you for reading. I hope you are blessed and encouraged.
Dianne Thornton says
This is good, Tammy. Our “identity” (or what we think our identity is) changes throughout our lives. Those changes are not necessarily the cause of tragedy. Thank you for showing us WHOSE we are, and that THAT gives us hope for our all of our days.
Tammy McDonald says
Sometimes its difficult to remember whose we are as we are trying to figure out who we are. Thanks for dropping by Dianne
This is so great Tammy, thanks for sharing.