Stones of Doubt: Do I Trust God?

I shared in another post about the pain I struggle with daily and constantly. (read here)

Today I had pre-op appointments with at my doctor’s office as well as the hospital.  The appointment wasn’t I had hoped for. The prognosis of the physician assistant’s part was not all butterflies and flowers. To be honest, he had me doubting whether or not having this surgery was going to be a good thing or not. I also know I don’t think I have the physical or mental stamina to live the rest of my life with the current pain levels.

Last week I had lunch with a friend and I confided in her that I was still asking God to reveal to me who He is as healer. (I know I am all over the place, but please bear with me!)

As I left the hospital from doing my pre-op obligations, I was asking God to show me what to do. (I’m still weepy over the entire thing)While I was waiting outside for my husband to bring the car around, I checked email on my phone…God had worked a miracle on my behalf!

You see, I have a book that was released this week…(see more here)…I have a book launch party scheduled at my home Sunday afternoon because Monday morning I will be in surgery. This is a perfect plan, except copies of my books were not supposed be delivered until the day after my party. I paid expedited shipping and did everything humanly possible to get the books here sooner, but there was no way for me to get books delivered to my home any sooner than Monday November 2nd.

In this e-mail, God showed his Holiness to me. I had a notice that the first shipment of books had been delivered today! The second shipment that wasn’t supposed to be here until the 6th, are scheduled to be here Friday the 30th. God is Holy! God cares! No detail escapes Him. If He can get books here from a facility in Canada 5-7 days ahead of schedule, how much more will He want to guide the surgeon’s hands to reveal Himself as my healer?

“Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell. What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.”,(Matthew 10:28-31, NLT)

I know this next passage is long—please forgive me for that—but I NEEDED the entire passage today, maybe you do too!

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing?  Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

“And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”,(Matthew 6:25-34, NLT)

I don’t want my faith to be a little faith. I don’t want to doubt God’s Holiness. I am humbled beyond words that He would use the miracle of books being delivered WAY AHEAD OF TIME to let me know that He really does take care of the details. He is my healer!

Dear Lord, Help me not doubt your Holiness. Help me trust you more in all areas of my life. Help me remember that you provide for the birds of the air and will not leave me without what I need. Thank you for loving me and using things like the early delivery of books to remind me of just how precious I am to you. In Jesus name I pray~ Amen!