My dear daughter had a BFF. Notice the emphasis on had.
These two were inseparable and always had a great time together. They hugged, laughed, squealed, and texted constantly. Then one day nothing. It all just stopped. My daughter had no idea what had happened. She came home from school crying because “XYZ” wouldn’t talk to her anymore.
The friendship was burning hot one minute and ice cold the next. No one in my household had a clue what happened.
Enter the rock.
The sudden loss of this closeness broke my daughter’s heart. She felt the rejection to her core. As her mom, I felt it too.
I don’t wan’t my daughter to hurt, and I don’t want this friendship to end. I struggle because I want to call “XYZ’s” mom to find out what happened. I want to try to fix this for my daughter…but I won’t.
Notice I didn’t say I can’t—I WON’T.
There is a saying that an egg cracked from an outside force brings death, but an an egg cracked from and inside force brings life.
This stone is my daughter’s to figure out what to do with. Will she confront her friend (ex-friend) to find out what happened? Will she go to God and trust Him with her broken heart? Will she be leery in attempting a similar relationship out of fear?
Those are questions she must answers for herself because it is her rock; her shell. The mom in me wants to jump in and rescue her from this pain and disappointment, but it isn’t what’s best for her.
This topic falls in an area where there isn’t a specific “Thou shall do this, or shall not do that”, so we need to look at this in a broader scope.
Common sense tells me she has to learn how to manage her stones. It further encourages me that it is best for her to learn this while she is still within the safety of this momma bird’s wingspan and ever watchful eye. As she gets older, the stones only get bigger and the wounds deeper. If I “fix it” now, I will play a role in crippling her from being able to manage similar situations in the future.
You may not agree…and that’s okay! Lets look at it from another direction. Its a different scenario, but the exact same concept…
When she was two years old her “stone” was learning
to use a spoon. My job was to teach her what a spoon was, what it was used for, and how to use it. If, however, I presented all this information to her but never allowed her to actually use the spoon to feed herself, a natural rite of passage and stage of development would have been delayed.
Things became messy as I released her to figure out how to use the spoon to feed herself. Meal time took longer, and I had to be very intentional to not take over and “just do it myself.”
Those were difficult and uncomfortable times for me as I allowed her the opportunity to learn, make messes of things, and learn some more. I know there will be messes as I release her to use what I have taught her about handling the hurts and disappointments in life…but she will also learn.
As I instilled “spoon wisdom” in her, she concentrated, and gained a knowledge of spoons. She could never have gained understanding if I hadn’t given her the opportunity to actually use what she had learned.
In this season, I am here for support, wisdom, and guidance…if she wants it. I can’t even force those things on her though.
It is my child’s rock…not mine!
If I see her failing miserably for a lengthy period of time, then I must step in. Mostly, I have to trust that I have taught her what I could over the years, and now is a season I need to release her to use what she has learned.
Dear Lord, Give me wisdom to know when its time to let my child start using the tools I have taught them. Help me embrace my role and responsibility changes as we enter new seasons. Calm my momma heart, and help me trust you more as I trust my child to make good choices. Help me continue to be their soft spot that always loves them and accepts them. Help me to always point my children to you. In Jeuss name I pray~ Amen