FOCUS ON A DARK PATH
After a few weeks of difficult medical diagnoses in my family, I find myself on a road that feels very dark. The path of walking with a loved one through Cancer being merged with my own new path of potentially debilitating health issues seems rough, scary, and quite honestly overwhelming.
Last week my time was spend between MD Anderson appointments with my father and Cardiology appointments for myself. Each waiting room full of fearful eyes of loved ones praying for good news. Other’s eyes were filled with pain, fear, and others hope.
There were also the extremes. One lady burst out from the treatment room full of loud laughter, taking selfies of all of the staff. Others sat as if they were sitting vigil for their own funeral–they had no light in their eyes.
In the dark, unfamiliar world where bodies betray their owners, I clamor to catch my breath. Partly because of my own health issues, but more because I am struggling with my own spiritual blindness or wrong perspective.
SEEING IN THE NATURAL
I am looking at all of these things from a technical and earthly perspective. I’m helping my parents make plans to survive well during an intense season of Chemo/Radiation cocktails. I’m trying to make plans on how to assist them with getting to and from treatments as well as how to help keep their strength up. I’m calculating times, menus, money, and potential side effects.
On my own personal health journey, I’m struggling with the genetic connection and concerned for the health of my daughters. The terms “Advised to consult with a geneticist before starting a family” came a little too late as my daughters are in their mid-teens. (Not that I would trade them for all the illness in the world!) Knowing there is a real chance they will have to make difficult decision in their future about having families breaks my heart.
I can fall at the altar of all of these things. My natural sight and perspective wants to cling to all of these details and control all of these uncontrollable circumstances. MY ROAD LOOKS HARD–but only in the natural.
ANOTHER SET OF LENSES
The more I look at things in the natural, the more blind I am to God’s spiritual. Peter was chastised by Jesus for only looking at things from a natural perspective.
“Jesus turned to Peter and said, “Get away from me, Satan! You are a dangerous trap to me. You are seeing things merely from a human point of view, not from God’s.”, Matthew 16:23, NLT
I don’t want to only have a human point of view as I walk this path. I may struggle with bits a spiritual blindness on this unfamiliar path, but I won’t bow to the circumstances. I have a promise!
“I will lead blind Israel down a new path,
guiding them along an unfamiliar way.
I will brighten the darkness before them
and smooth out the road ahead of them.
Yes, I will indeed do these things;
I will not forsake them.”, Isaiah 42:16, NLT
God has not forsaken me, even though it is difficult to “see Him fully” as we begin this journey. It is definitely a new one and unfamiliar! I can honestly say it is not one I chose or desired to walk down.
There is darkness, but He will brighten it… maybe by a loud lady taking selfies in the waiting room. The path will be rough, but it may be smoothed by sweet relationship building time with my parents.
I may feel abandoned, but His promise to not forsake me on this journey stands.